Journey of a persistent widow (Online Wedding)

Journey of a persistent widow (Online Wedding)

I figured that after all that has happened, I would need to document this down. My hopes for you readers is as you read this, you would be able to see the hand of God moving in this and that your response would be "Wow God, you truly are great" All glory to Him.

If you are interested in how my in laws accepted me, the post is here. It is a very humbling experience.

The photo itself reveals a snapshot of generally how getting married in 2020 has been. Before I share with you my story let me say that there has been polarizing views on our wedding. The first half are the ones who are in full support and are excited that we are getting married online. The second half think we are rushing things and being selfish in some sense. I will briefly respond to the second half first. First we are not rushing things, we are just getting things on schedule. No one ever told me that a marriage needs to have a great dinner with all the bells and whistles but yes I am in full agreement that a wedding is to be celebrated. We just celebrated it not according to human tradition. But biblically still structurally sound.

But if you want a more in depth take on how I see this online wedding bit, do click here. For this is to talk about our journey of the uphill battle getting married. I will break it down to three parts. But only part 3 is the long one.

1. Before MCO. 2. During MCO. 3. RMCO

1. Before MCO

We were pretty calm since rumors of a lock down was going to happen but our wedding was to be in June the 6th. So we figured "nah we won't be affected". But a day before MCO we got every ready. Every documents to prepare to provide NECF and go to the commissioner of oath to hand in the files to register to get signed. Not get married. register to get signed only. We felt pretty accomplished. We thought that we have at least prepared a covid-proof plan talking about the natural SOPs of wearing masks and gloves and what not.

2.1 During MCO - I started giving up.

This is where it gets worrying. Numbers were spiking. The sense of a lock down started to feel real. I have yet to see my wife (fiancee at that time) for months. NECF was not allowed to sign us up and our hearts were taken on a roller coaster ride to have them tell us that they could sign in the afternoon and by evening say no and then by next week say yes but after a certain date and then few days after it is a no. We were not in a rush to get married we just needed certainty and clarity. We prayed "God just say yes or no then we know how to manage our expectations" I was tired of sending to the huge list of guests that the wedding was on and off, on and off then we decided the next time we send them the message would be the last time. A confirmed one.

I was pretty much ready to say God your will be done lah. I am so done. I am so tired. Then my former mentor now good friend Mr.Yoshua paid me a visit. He then gave the analogy of the persistent widow who kept crying out for justice and finally got it in the town where there was no justice and evil reign, what more your heavenly Father who loves you. He reminded me that marriage is instituted by God and was a good thing. The least I could do is to take on the posture of the persistent widow.

2.2 During MCO - Battle armour is ready.

I figured lets give this a try. my wife and I gate crashed JPN Putrajaya on Saturday being prayerful and hopeful. (A tip, do not bother setting up appointments with them online, they are probably too busy to even layan you). When we reached they said we needed to call to make an appointment to come to register but I must make sure that I have to register to the addressed based on my IC. Guess what, my IC address is situated in Melaka and interstate travels were not allowed. So I asked the officer "Basically, you are saying I cannot get married then since my situation is as such", He said yes.

I was not going to go down that easy. I thought of a really tedious and arduous plan. I will first find the closest JPN to change my IC address to KL and then register to be eligible to get married. I went the week after to JPN Hartamas only to be told to make and appointment and come back two days after as that was the SOP if I wanted to change my IC. It felt like an intentional roadblock at every step but I trusted the Lord wants what is good for me, so I will make those steps while trusting in the Lord's sufficient grace. At least I know I will do it without regrets of 'what ifs'. So I went two days after with the electricity bill of my new home in KL and changed my IC address and then inquired for the wedding. JPN Hartamas said they had so many applicants it backlogged and was full. The best date they could give us to MEET not to SIGN was 10th June and this was in May. And the best date they could give us was August. So urged us to try other JPN and maybe it would be freer.

We were hesitant. At least here we got a date. They said no worries. We keep your 10th June appointment ready and you do not have to come. Next JPN we tried was Kepong JPN. We called and called and no one picked up. We wondered because of MCO they were not running. We decided to give it a last hurrah. Went to Kepong entered a dead mall and on the second floor was JPN. Gatecrashed the place, did not need appointment. Got all our documents ready and found out in the marriage side they were free. They checked all our documents there and then and said okay come on the 17th June for signing. We were shocked. We did not know whether to believe our eyes, thank God or be skeptical waiting for something wrong to happen. We let things process slowly. We asked whether we could do a solemnization without a large scale dinner and they said as long as it was below 20 ppl it should be fine.

At that moment relief swept through our body we were tired. It was like the battle was finally over. Well...not quite. We realized venue was a problem. We could not do it at our house regardless of whether it was small number because we did not want to break any rules. I will give you the scenario. The house was under my father-in-law's name, should we be found that we broke the MCO law, a lot of consequences could have taken place. So we needed to find a way around it. We needed to be careful not to unnecessarily implicate anyone of wrong doing. But that is the problem you see. THERE IS NO DETAILED SOP. This is all new for both us, the community, and the government.

3. The soft landing of RMCO

RMCO came into effect. We waited for the signing. We decided to use my church premises for the wedding which was thankfully an office space the church was renting. So we do not own the office space as a church but the church worships in that. On the 10th of June we went to the nearest police office to inquire on getting married and using office space. We even drafted a letter for them to sign with all the SOPs taken from the government suggestions on these kind of events.

Chop chop and off we go drowning ourselves into the details of planning what would be the best wedding we will ever get.

We said we will not have any food provided. our guests are not even 20 but less, only family members less than 2 hours. To which they responded "Go ahead, it is RMCO, if you want a solmenization just make sure it is below 20 and no one can bring a charge against you. Even if someone complains the police will not take action if it is below 20 people" I was relieved but I asked whether they could at least acknowledge the letter and sign it. They kept saying do not worry, just carry on following the SOPs. Now police giving the green light was good. But verbal agreement was meeeeh. But that is the problem you see. THERE IS NO DETAILED SOP. This is all new for both us, the community, and the government.

But with that, things can finally start moving. Within the next day we sent out all the emails and the invites. We only had 10 days to plan it all out! The flow, the team, the deco, everything. Chop chop and off we go drowning ourselves into the details of planning what would be the best wedding we will ever get. My church and her church collaborated to record a worship song to be played on that day. My mum had to come up with new e-invitation cards. Tensions were rising but we were learning.  Deciding on the emcee, zoom manager, floor manager. Our wedding rehearsal was a day before!

First few Malaysian online weddings

But on that faithful day, my heart was just filled with gratitude. Beautiful minimalist church deco, 16 physical guest (mostly family members), 286 zoom accounts but 340 plus participants who attended. To see people dress up and came with their best with make up, dresses, bow-ties (all while some wore shorts because...who is looking right?) all this in camaraderie, showing support for us the couple that getting married is a God instituted good thing. Regardless of whether it is online or not. They were there to witness our solemnization before God.

Zoom transitions were beautiful and seamless (Thank you su jane), emceeing was done professionally, beautifully with the right amount of congratulatory speeches, puns, and jabs only at the groom (Thank you Ken Ming), the floor manager made sure all cameras are ready, angling is fine, that the right participants enter (thank you Johannan), The archway and the flowers provided and done by Samantha and her mother thank you. Caryn, Jia Yun, Joce, Yen Mii helped with the participants entering and making sure it was not a zoom bomber thank you. For Jia Yun who provided us that beautiful hand-lettering stickers for our hashtag and transparent plastic plate saying "Just married". and that To Yoshua who preached and Pastor Joel who solemnized us thank you. And to our parents who raised us up to be who we are today. Thank you. Those who gave their heartfelt testimonies, Johann, Samantha, Mason, Kristina, Joce, Satowa, thank you. Yen Ping my beautiful wife said "I think it was my dream wedding, watching the zoom recording I would not have done it any other way" and I am inclined to think so too.

"Here my child, this is better, trust me, it is not what you expected, but it is better"

One of the attendees said this "The wedding was edifying, moving and hilarious at the same time. Kind of like the couple" and my heart leaped at that. If I were to have a wedding I could not have worded my hopes for the wedding any other way.

In that moment the world slowed down a little, enough for me to take notice and look back that God was with us through it all. He closed many doors and opened some. He taught us humility and patience. He taught us to not rely on our own understanding but with empty hands prostrated at the cross to surrender it all to Him. And now, married life is great. It was worth the wait. Nothing else can be said.

There was still much that happened in between and it was not perfect, some people were left out, I forgot to send the links to some and mistakes were made. But I believe I have penned down the details sufficiently to bring your through our whirlwind of a journey that as the storm blew in our faces we held steadfast knowing that God is was with us. To this, I can only give glory to God. I cannot have demanded anything I could not have taken credit for anything. All I could do was remain faithful to know how God designed us to be and cling on to who He is. But God decided to take our idea of a marriage and wedding and said "Here my child, this is better, trust me, it is not what you expected, but it is better" So there you have it. First few one of a kind wedding. In the next few months others might go back to normal in how they want to get married. But for some of the married couples out there in 2020, boy do we have a story to tell. But what is the best gift for my wife? If interested click here. And if you would like to see one of my young ministries click here. Peace out. 

Writer: Eddryll 
Author's views are his own and does not represent the entire team