The best gift for my wife

The Start

Before anything, do follow @malaysianchristianmemes on insta.
Click here to see how her family accepted me. Who knew that the day I would be getting married is knocking at the door of my new life. God has proved me wrong once again. I invested in the things the world may not necessarily prioritize, learning to build character and godliness by His grace when my peers did what was logical. Be it climb the corporate ladder, better pay, better life; all which are mighty fine. But here I was saying “I will trust the Lord as I take this step, go this area, and make this decision” And lo and behold God graced me with a woman who values these things. Not only her but her parents. For more of that story on how that is seen as God’s grace click here to see how the parents accepted me. 

 Marriage in today’s age is not seen as an institution that needs takes any precedence. It is both accurate both in the secular and biblical world. Secular meaning that in the age of individualism and hedonism making it all about me, getting married is just tying me down. I want to have fun and pleasure (Not surprised in a Genesis 3 world). In a biblical sense we are reminded that marriage was to reflect the church and Christ. Marriage on Earth is just a weaker image of the heavenly marriage that is to come. Regardless of whether one gets married or not, the call for every Christian has been and will always be to create disciples be it discipling friends or their children.

Me? I still do want to get married. To have an ezer (helper) fit for me to serve alongside with me as one unit learning to reflect God’s glory on His creation as His royal priesthood. And I recognize even in this age, the joy to take pleasure in my wife (future) in all forms gives me a glimpse of how the Trinity were like. Such in that position is a privilege as much as it is a privilege of how a single individual serves recognizing the sufficiency of Jesus. (Disclaimer: I do hope this time not to trigger any single souls. Neither is this post intended to rub salt on those who have the same desire as me but still find themselves single. My only encouragement is found in Colossians 3:1-4 and I believe it is worth writing it here to be read)

“If then you have been raised with Christ, seek the things that are above, where Christ is, seated at the right hand of God. Set your minds on things that are above, not on things that are on earth. For you have died, and your life is hidden with Christ in God. When Christ who is your life appears, then you also will appear with him in glory”

Magnificent portion of scripture but often misinterpreted. I am not here to do an exposition. But as a brief encouragement, we are reminded how temporal life on earth is in regards to eternity. By seeking things that are above (metaphorically) it is to say that the things on earth will not bring the satisfaction or fulfillment needed. Marriage will not bring fulfillment. Marriage in the lens of which the ultimate telos (goal) is to share in the glory of God is what brings fulfillment. By which marriage in itself is a journey of sanctification. Single or married, our life is hidden with Christ in God and the journey is to one day appear with him in glory. But the question now is then what is the best gift I can give my wife? It shall be answered in two parts. What are the wrong gifts and what is the best?

The wrong gifts

The world would have you give her the obvious. Money and power. Be rich enough to be able to provide her all the desires to her hearts content. The bags. The shoes. The clothes. The nice house with a pool. And this is not in a way calling her materialistic or a gold digger but if we are talking about the best gift, then give her the tool that makes the world go round. Money. Empower her, make her your queen. Bring her for massages and give her the best holiday. Have servants carry her things and make her feel valued. Give her a manicure and buy her make up sets. If you can give her these things there is nothing wrong with it. But if the context of it is the best…then these are the wrong gifts to give.

What is the actual bits she is looking for?

It is the value she seeks and sometimes it could be reflected within the gifts she takes. Not all women are gold diggers but when a woman makes a sweeping statement like “I want my husband to be rich” Sometimes, it would do us good if we actually listened. Sometimes what she really is asking is “Can you provide me security? Will I be able to survive entering a life with you?”

When she is saying “I want my future husband to bring me travelling and treat me well” on the surface you might say she would want to live a life of adventure and comfort. But we need to listen closer to a woman’s heart. It is more, “does my partner value me enough to invest in me in these things? Does he find me beautiful enough to lavish on me?” It is not the fact that she needs the massage or manicure. The massage and manicure is one of the expressions of the man saying “Hey you are beautiful to me and I want to do this for you”

In the book ‘Captivating’, Stasi Eldredge stated that a woman in many ways would want to be seen, sought after and be certain. Certain of what it means to truly be a woman. At the heart of the woman there is a beauty to unveil and it is an adventure of a lifetime to explore it.

(Final disclaimer. This is by no means a blanket statement saying all woman wants to feel beautiful and have financial security. I believe all humans be it male or female would generally want to be respected as a human. To give them their dignity to be listened to, taken care of, and to have fellowship with. What I drew up here are examples in the context of a romantic relationship and its instances.)

The best gift I have for her

So she seeks to be respected. To be valued. To be loved. And if I were some rich powerful man to do that I could give her what the world offers. But I can’t. I am neither the richest nor the most powerful. Neither do I want them. The only thing I can assure and afford to give her is this one thing. It may not be riches nor power. If God so graciously decides that it is in my capacity to do so then I am humbled. I may not have all the money in the world. I may not have the greatest authority. But what I do have is this. Echoing from what Peter gave the lame person in Acts 3:6 “Silver or gold I do not have, but what I do have I give you. In the name of Jesus Christ of Nazareth, walk”. I give her Jesus.

At first glance it is easily ridiculed out of its seemingly lack of practicality. But taking a step back it is of infinite value. Jesus is the best gift I can give to her. It may sound like a poor man’s gift but if that is the one thing I cannot give her then there is nothing worth giving her at all. Because things of the earth are not lasting and will fade away. That is why we are to keep our eyes on the things above, where Jesus is. At the right hand of God. Jesus who restores our identity in God as image bearers through His love for us in His death and resurrection on the cross brings about the most ultimate revelation of giving my wife her greatest dignity, being loved and respected as a woman who can fully reflect God’s image.

I am just the bridge and her partner to remind her to put her faith in Jesus for the hope that one day she will be glorified with Him embracing the love of Christ that is unconditional. It is mentioned earlier why Jesus. In Colossians 1:15-20 “¹⁵ He is the image of the invisible God, the firstborn of all creation. ¹⁶ For by^[f] him all things were created, in heaven and on earth, visible and invisible, whether thrones or dominions or rulers or authorities—all things were created through him and for him. ¹⁷ And he is before all things, and in him all things hold together. ¹⁸ And he is the head of the body, the church. He is the beginning, the firstborn from the dead, that in everything he might be preeminent. ¹⁹ For in him all the fullness of God was pleased to dwell, ²⁰ and through him to reconcile to himself all things, whether on earth or in heaven, making peace by the blood of his cross.”

Christ’s pre-eminence. There is no other way I can word it. I want her to learn to love Jesus like no other. Because everything was created through him and for him. In him all the fullness of God dwells. And in his presence there is fullness of joy where pleasures are at his right hand forever more. This is not some airy fairy concept. This is a mind blowing concept that transcends the realities of pleasure and value of what the world can offer. What the world offers pales in comparison to what Jesus can. And that brothers and sisters is the best gift I can give to her.

Writer: Eddryll 
Author's views are his own and does not represent the entire team