The family that accepted me

1. The context

Before anything, do follow @malaysianchristianmemes on insta.

Click here to find out what will be the best gift for my wife. I have no intention to be clickity-baity but it just happens. Now before I do expound on what I am going to say I need to define family just in case you are thinking which family rejected him?. Family does include immediate and community and yes I love my family so much. To say one accepted me is not to say the other didn't. Nonetheless, I am alluding to a key point within a family culture of success that varies from one to another. 

Before I begin, I want to humbly point out that we are a broken broken society. The world is a broken society. Where their god is their belly. Their desires are what they want and what the world offers. And their achievements go as far as only what the eyes see. So bear with me readers as I carefully express the culture. However, I will mainly focus on two events and both with my fiancee's parents.

I always knew as a Christian, my focus is to be on God, seek him first and everything else will be added on to you. Psalms 16:11 states that “You have made known the path of life. In His presence there is fullness of joy, pleasures are in His right hand forevermore” John 10:10b states that Jesus came to give us life and life by the abundance. Not just to survive. But satisfying, fullness, everything we need, a rich life. So if God is true and this is what he claims….Yes please. I’ll take God any day. Every day. Every time. One more one more I promise. Psalms 27:4. Look at what David says by the way. One thing I ask of the LORD, this is what I seek: that I may dwell in the house of the LORD all the days of my life, to gaze upon the beauty of the LORD and to seek him in his temple. 

I wonder whether we could almost gaze at God as such

FUUUUUYOH. You follow what David says? He seeks and asks for one thing. One thing only! To dwell in the house of the LORD forever. Just gaze, and admire and go daaang that’s fine. Wait wait wait, No Xbox, potato chips, games? How about Netflix? So I am to just dwell? Fun meh? Yeap. Well, bible does say there is fullness of joy. David’s revelation of God is something I am still learning to fully grasp. Because there are many instances that my eyes is still set on this world. But this brings us to a turning point. 

 2.   The Meeting Point.

For the father replied this “Nothing much, just seek God and have good character”

That revelation of who God is became more of a reality after I met my fiancée’s parents. After I got together with Yen Ping, I went to meet with the parents and since I didn’t ask for permission first (teehee), I decided to go and ask for the rules to date her. It went something like this “Uncle is there anything you would want me to focus on? Bring her home by 10pm, be the one to drive? Take initiative in certain areas?” I needed clarity if I was going to win the parent’s heart. But instead… since that day, her parents won my heart. For the father replied this “Nothing much, just seek God and have good character” *Mind blown* Her mum was just teasing me all the way.

You see, I come from the normal community. By normal I am saying you are judged by your looks. Judged by your test results. Judged by your fears. I am so grateful my parents had the wisdom to shield me from much of it and gave me the space to grow to be who I want to be as they facilitate my growth with their insights of life. Only until much later I realized how much I was looked down upon. I share this not to gain sympathy points. I know my value in Christ. Amen and amen. I am just sharing a reality I am living in. So few relatives have preached that I have no backbone, I have no future, I am not smart. But hey, I turned out, awesome enough. Thank you mum and dad. They absorbed all the comments, entrusting me to God and shared this information with me only much later when I could not be bothered by the comments. My brother was there just teaching me everything he could being 11 years older than me. He was my role model in character and what I want to be as a man. I stuck out like a sore thumb in light of what culture wanted me to do. I won’t deny thinking about it, one can get quite bitter. But I shove it aside because all those decisions has led me to a better place now doing what I love and going to marry my ezer, helper fit for me.

Back to the mind blown bit. It was the moment where I felt God said to me “Eddryll, all those years investing in Me, do you have any doubts now? Was I not always the way, the truth and the life? Do you need to worry about your status and financial standing when you are a child of God who owns the entire universe?” Let me tell you at that moment with her father, I was humbled by the Father. And it only made me realize the blindness of other parties that look at only three C’s (Cash, car, condominium). When meeting fellow extended, extended relatives, it is very normal to ask few questions. 

1. How old are you? (To gauge where you are at in your life in comparison with the rest of those in the same category). 
2. What work do you do? (To gauge the nobility or desirability of the job comparing a doctor to a garbage collector for example). 
3. Where did you study? (To see how prestigious the institute you were in. If you were in Havard it adds brownie points compared to a local university) 
4. How much do you earn? (if they do not know the job scope) or how many children do you have? 

All of this are clear markers of what defines success. At least in the eyes of the world. I do not blame them. I cannot blame them. They were raised to understand that these are what one should strive for. I have my family to thank to remind me that God is where I should look to. Or not I would have sought my community's approval and be the best version of their success I can be. 

But God’s idea of success is situated in many verses but I will pick Matthew 25:23 “Well done good and faithful servant”. Whether I was good and faithful in obeying his will. To continually serve him and be faithful to whatever he calls me to. I may not be CEO, climb the corporate ladder or study in a prestigious university. If I did become one, and if God so pleases, so be it. But throughout scriptures, God always calls us to be faithful to what he wants us to do whether they were successful was a different thing. Moses led the people out but didn’t enter the promise land. Hosea was faithful to God to the point of marrying a prostitute for God’s message to be sent. Abel did not get to live long. On and on I could go on. Yet, each of them was faithful to the end. But in the eyes of the world would be different.     

3. The Acceptance Point

When I went to meet the parents to ask for permission for my girlfriend’s hand in marriage, it was another humbling moment. Her dad and mum were just asking what I think about marriage, and what are my concerns and what are my plans. Her mum teasingly grilled me on every corner on how will I financially be stable for her daughter. I lost the discourse and just said I need to trust the Lord in this matter for it is too far to know. Her mum then said you are right. She then said “I am not worried as long as you continue seeking God and trusting Him” her dad then went to a drawer and took out a printed sheet of the marriage vows and ask for my favourite one and then asked me to meditate.

Usually one of the hardest point in marriage is the in-laws...with many expectations to whom they will wed their daughter off

They had already given me their 'yes' a long time ago. And then we prayed together as a family. Not just for the future marriage but for each other. And I am grateful. Why? Usually one of the hardest point in marriage is the in-laws. Parents come with many expectations to whom they will wed their daughter off. Because all these years they have been caring for her and now they are going to give up that role to a way younger person who has not tasted the salty life that they know. The least a parent should confirm is his financial status, social status, and character. But here all they were seeking in me was my relationship with God and how through that relationship everything else is translated in my life (which includes character). That was their unconventional criteria of trusting a younger dude in caring for their daughter. My heart is left humbled and grateful at God’s providence. Now in the right context I can finally say “They were the family that accepted me”. Even if I ended up not marrying her, what I say about her parents still remains true. 

So nope. I’m not dissing anyone here. The community I grew up in was only a normal progression and part of evolutionary process where the weak die and the strong survive in a dog eat dog world. But my inheritance is in heaven. My citizenship is heaven. I am not of this world. This world is a temporary exile. This world will fade.