Never would I have thought
Never would I have thought...
Such a phrase is usually accompanied with awe, shock, and surprise. Such a phrase has been used in my life one too many times. Then again, let me start off with this statement. If you serve God where Oxford dictionary would define for monotheistic religions as "the creator and ruler of the universe and source of all moral authority; the supreme being."... then what is impossible? God transcends every dimension and is all present, all knowing and all powerful.
I know the world I am living in. At least based on my perception. It is a world where the point of reference begins with the self. What is truth, what is my origins, what is morality, all begins with the self. You need not move on any further than if this if you take another position. We are living in a triggered world.
But this story is shared with great hopes that it encourages you. But again I reiterate,
There are three connecting conditions that I would like to lay before you all. Looking back I am in awe at 1. Where God has brought me, 2. The state of my reality, 3. What more is to come.
Let us start from 1.
Where God has brought me.
Thinking that I would be teaching Psychology to Pre-U students, I was offered to teach a subject called Character Formation which was life changing. Want to know more click here. Basically a subject where it is emphasized how important character is where instead of providing just sight, it attempts to provide insight. To see with the eyes of the heart.
I had the thought MCKL would be a really really short moment where I just parked here for a moment before moving on to what I wanted to do. That all changed upon working there. As I stood in front of a class and realized the opportunity laid before me to groom the younger generation.
It seems I will be there longer than what I had in mind. My working place has become the training ground in whatever God is preparing me for. Where or what? I do not know. Or at least I choose not to say it.
But God has brought me from a prideful, perasan, thinks he is so smart of a man to a....less prideful, less perasan, 'realizing he is not so smart' of a man...Less...dunno how less. Hahaha. I am grateful for Him showing me who I really am. That is where God has brought me. Through revealing the true nature of myself he has opened up a lot of opportunities. Which brings me to my next point.
2. The state of my reality.
I am no where near awesome. I am so average. Yes that is the reality. No I am not putting myself down. But nonetheless, of course being human you get those thoughts. I wish I was smarter. I wished to be better looking. I wished to be more athletic. A lot of selfish focus on the self. Yes humanly speaking those thoughts invade your mind here and now. But only reveals how the hunger of a human is not only in food and that there isn't one thing on earth that can satisfy all hungers. But in short an average Joe. Jack of all trades but a master of none. I have always been ordinary.
What amazes me is how I am still at where I am till today. The amount of mistakes made at work. The lack of awareness in certain areas. Yet, God graciously and faithfully just intervened in many things when I should have been beheaded for my mistake. The individuals he has placed in my life that allows me to make the mistake but will give me a good firing to make sure I understood where I have fallen short.
But in God's wisdom, he has blessed me financially, relationally, and communally growing in many areas in both pleasure and reluctance. I am grateful.
- Told God that I whoever God sends to me as a partner I will learn to slow down and be patient with her. Because you know the pride in me makes me think I will be more matured than whoever. But God sends me a wonderful individual who not only paces with me but pulls me back and slows me down
- Told God it is fine that I do not get to travel out of Malaysia. God sends me to Bali.
- In His wisdom, God has placed me in areas where I share God's word to the masses because I love truth. (Never thought I would be preaching)
On and on I would go. Still young and naive(obviously) but truly "never would I have thought" I would get this far at this stage of life.
3. What more is to come.
After everything, I have stopped expecting. Why? Because somehow God has always exceeded my expectations. Or, instead of that, he made me surrender my own desires and showed me something better. I thought I knew what I wanted. I was convinced I knew what I wanted and what God wanted of me. I was so wrong.
The framework that has been laid out for me in the next five years renders me silent because "never would I have thought" I would be doing this. But God is bringing me on an adventure.
Why am I sharing you my story?
Here I am trying to minimize the usage of the word 'I'. Trying to show that it was never about me. I can only hope that it testifies about the God I serve.
All I did was two things. First, in the most imperfect way possible and a total failure at it, was to seek first His Kingdom and His righteousness. God is to be the first core of focus or not everything else will fall out of perspective for me. That was the position taken.
Second, in all my adversities and troubles, knowing who God is which in turn reveals who I am, the only position I dared take was in humility for I have nothing to demand. That is my reality. Because simply, if I am already a sinner deserving God's wrath and Jesus died for me in which I beared no cost. It simply means I owe him anything. Not the fact that I can do whatever I want to do.
This is just one story among many. And truly it is nothing special other than the God it tries to tell. I am also not saying I did nothing other than trust God and I was blessed with all this. That is a wrong concept. Rather, I would say this. each of us are different with different circumstances and life experiences. And I am not saying that you follow what I do your life will be awesome.
But I know this, that what is on this earth is temporary. And God has revealed himself and it is something that once seen cannot be unseen. I hold a realistic enough view to know that we are living in a broken world. Where there is good there is also bad. Where there is the rich, there is also poor. And these world issues carry on up till today.
So to conclude I say that in each circumstances that one goes through, it is at the end of the day to seek what is true. No one wants to live their life based on what is not true. For me, this is true, that God has made known the path of life, in His presence there is fullness of joy, and pleasures are in His right hand forevermore ~ Psalms 16:11.
Such a phrase is usually accompanied with awe, shock, and surprise. Such a phrase has been used in my life one too many times. Then again, let me start off with this statement. If you serve God where Oxford dictionary would define for monotheistic religions as "the creator and ruler of the universe and source of all moral authority; the supreme being."... then what is impossible? God transcends every dimension and is all present, all knowing and all powerful.
I know the world I am living in. At least based on my perception. It is a world where the point of reference begins with the self. What is truth, what is my origins, what is morality, all begins with the self. You need not move on any further than if this if you take another position. We are living in a triggered world.
But this story is shared with great hopes that it encourages you. But again I reiterate,
There are three connecting conditions that I would like to lay before you all. Looking back I am in awe at 1. Where God has brought me, 2. The state of my reality, 3. What more is to come.
Where God has brought me.
Thinking that I would be teaching Psychology to Pre-U students, I was offered to teach a subject called Character Formation which was life changing. Want to know more click here. Basically a subject where it is emphasized how important character is where instead of providing just sight, it attempts to provide insight. To see with the eyes of the heart.
I had the thought MCKL would be a really really short moment where I just parked here for a moment before moving on to what I wanted to do. That all changed upon working there. As I stood in front of a class and realized the opportunity laid before me to groom the younger generation.
It seems I will be there longer than what I had in mind. My working place has become the training ground in whatever God is preparing me for. Where or what? I do not know. Or at least I choose not to say it.
But God has brought me from a prideful, perasan, thinks he is so smart of a man to a....less prideful, less perasan, 'realizing he is not so smart' of a man...Less...dunno how less. Hahaha. I am grateful for Him showing me who I really am. That is where God has brought me. Through revealing the true nature of myself he has opened up a lot of opportunities. Which brings me to my next point.
2. The state of my reality.
I am no where near awesome. I am so average. Yes that is the reality. No I am not putting myself down. But nonetheless, of course being human you get those thoughts. I wish I was smarter. I wished to be better looking. I wished to be more athletic. A lot of selfish focus on the self. Yes humanly speaking those thoughts invade your mind here and now. But only reveals how the hunger of a human is not only in food and that there isn't one thing on earth that can satisfy all hungers. But in short an average Joe. Jack of all trades but a master of none. I have always been ordinary.
What amazes me is how I am still at where I am till today. The amount of mistakes made at work. The lack of awareness in certain areas. Yet, God graciously and faithfully just intervened in many things when I should have been beheaded for my mistake. The individuals he has placed in my life that allows me to make the mistake but will give me a good firing to make sure I understood where I have fallen short.
But in God's wisdom, he has blessed me financially, relationally, and communally growing in many areas in both pleasure and reluctance. I am grateful.
- Told God that I whoever God sends to me as a partner I will learn to slow down and be patient with her. Because you know the pride in me makes me think I will be more matured than whoever. But God sends me a wonderful individual who not only paces with me but pulls me back and slows me down
- Told God it is fine that I do not get to travel out of Malaysia. God sends me to Bali.
- In His wisdom, God has placed me in areas where I share God's word to the masses because I love truth. (Never thought I would be preaching)
On and on I would go. Still young and naive(obviously) but truly "never would I have thought" I would get this far at this stage of life.
3. What more is to come.
After everything, I have stopped expecting. Why? Because somehow God has always exceeded my expectations. Or, instead of that, he made me surrender my own desires and showed me something better. I thought I knew what I wanted. I was convinced I knew what I wanted and what God wanted of me. I was so wrong.
The framework that has been laid out for me in the next five years renders me silent because "never would I have thought" I would be doing this. But God is bringing me on an adventure.
Why am I sharing you my story?
Here I am trying to minimize the usage of the word 'I'. Trying to show that it was never about me. I can only hope that it testifies about the God I serve.
All I did was two things. First, in the most imperfect way possible and a total failure at it, was to seek first His Kingdom and His righteousness. God is to be the first core of focus or not everything else will fall out of perspective for me. That was the position taken.
Second, in all my adversities and troubles, knowing who God is which in turn reveals who I am, the only position I dared take was in humility for I have nothing to demand. That is my reality. Because simply, if I am already a sinner deserving God's wrath and Jesus died for me in which I beared no cost. It simply means I owe him anything. Not the fact that I can do whatever I want to do.
This is just one story among many. And truly it is nothing special other than the God it tries to tell. I am also not saying I did nothing other than trust God and I was blessed with all this. That is a wrong concept. Rather, I would say this. each of us are different with different circumstances and life experiences. And I am not saying that you follow what I do your life will be awesome.
But I know this, that what is on this earth is temporary. And God has revealed himself and it is something that once seen cannot be unseen. I hold a realistic enough view to know that we are living in a broken world. Where there is good there is also bad. Where there is the rich, there is also poor. And these world issues carry on up till today.
So to conclude I say that in each circumstances that one goes through, it is at the end of the day to seek what is true. No one wants to live their life based on what is not true. For me, this is true, that God has made known the path of life, in His presence there is fullness of joy, and pleasures are in His right hand forevermore ~ Psalms 16:11.
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