I CRY

I cry
Because as much as I seek happiness, it doesn't last long. 
The moment I think of it, the emotion is gone. 
Life never seem to go as expected with its ups and downs.
Dreams seem to be shattered, where is my glory and crown?
I believe I deserve certain things life for all the hard word I strive.
They say that is life for you. Such an ignorant answer no matter how true.
Because it does not seem to explain the void, being on this cruel earth, being toyed. (And then...)

I cry
Because my best efforts still can't seem to bring me where I desire
Because I realize that as much as I try I will eventually fail. 
When I am called to be the head I feel so much like a tail. 
I succeed awhile only to fall. To fall short of it all.
As much as I weigh the good it some how never covers up the bad. 
God's standard is too high and mighty to ascribe to. I cannot possibly measure up.
 Is this a trap? (And then...)

I cry
Because looking at the world and the human race, it is so sinful. 
I mean if I am truly being honest to myself, I would eventually come and admit it too. 
That the world is tainted with evil and people are mostly cynical. 
Because if I were to really be honest with myself. I am so broken. I cannot fix myself. 
There is this tension within me realizing what is wrong with me but yet do not have the ability to change it. 
My mind says yes but my heart says no. 
Try my best but only to reveal my lows. (And then...)

I cry
Because of His grace and mercy he chose to save me out of his unfailing love. 
To know that believing in Him, He calls me righteous and that is enough.
The fact that he would die for me, it can be hard to believe. 
To be His son and to be freed from sin, instead of a slave trying to perform to win. 
Instead of trying to prove that I can make it with my own ability
Christ comes in shows the way and reveals my futility. 
Because of His grace to save a wretch like me. I know take courage and I know my identity. 
My identity is in Christ as he lives in me. With tears of joy and gratitude, I am a new creation indeed.
(But then...)

I cry
Because I still see the broken world struggling to survive.
To finally see God's heart and see what he sees. 
They are seeking and trying every new way to keep them engaged and motivated.
To seek for meaning and purpose and some try to just live in the moment only to get agitated.
The tears that see hurt and suffering in the world that makes everything seems out of alignment. 
I want to tell them of the treasure I have found that is so much more worth it than what the world could offer.
Yet I know it is by the Holy Spirit that convicts, converts and has the power.  (But then...)

I cry
Out of joy knowing that Hope in Christ.
Knowing that in Him there is life.
Knowing that in Him, victory is already at hand. 
So I wait patiently to see his masterpiece one day  knowing he has a plan. 
I wait patiently when he shows me the bigger picture, and then be in his promise land.
In that time, I will continue to seek first His kingdom and His righteousness.
As in His presence there is fullness of joy. Pleasures in His right hand forevermore. 

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