Out of Words.

Everyday is a struggle. Whether it is something big or not. Comes a point many times in life, where you lose almost all control. God does have a plan. For what that can be identified, it is like a wake up call to say " Hey you are not the one in control". I need to place my total dependence on Him. 
It is not that I do not know that, but sometimes in life I have tendencies to act out on my own. I know I am to trust him and yet I live out on my own understanding.

I trust God, but is it with all my heart and all my soul? Unfortunately I believe it is a NO. Humans....
I tell people to not worry yet I find myself worrying. Not for myself, but for other people. My heart is burdened. When I prayed for God to let me see. I was determined to know more, but the truth is not always pretty. 

I claim God's grace is sufficient for me and his power is made perfect through my weakness. Lord you will never give me anything I can't handle. I lay them down at your cross Lord. One thing is for sure, you are putting me on the right road. Indeed not one of the happy ones but I know more than ever now I want you by my side so bad. I know you are there but there are times I go through my daily activities not being mindful of you. 

I do envy some of my brothers and sisters in Christ who have such profound relationships with you. =) But God you made me realise the race is not with others but with just me and you. I love you Lord. Yes I dun mean it 100%. Probably like a 65%. But I want that percentage to increase. I claim that I love you that one day hopefully I will love you the way you want me to.

Lord you know my heart. Only you know it best. I come to you sometimes with such loss of words that all I can just say is "Lord.........Lord.....". Forgive me for being troubled as it is not a sign of putting my trust in you. Slowly but surely I am going through a process. A process of you shaping me into the man you want me to be. Kind of a shame that I really choose to initiate only now. I was so blinded. I chose my will instead of your will and rationalise it for myself.

I admit, I am far. I am out of words. But your Joy gives me strength oh Jehova Jireh. I trust you.

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